| Subject: |
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Thank God for this site!! |
| Name: |
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Liz |
| Date Posted: |
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Jul 13, 08 - 11:03 PM |
| Email: |
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estratton3@hotmail.com |
| Message: |
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I am so thankful for this site and this forum. I sat and read the whole thing and I cried when I read the stories of people who seem to have the same and similar issues that my family has. I'm sorry that you all have to deal with such a painful and terrible disease, but it is nice to know that we are not alone in this world. I will tell you the story of my mother, sorry that it is so long. The story starts when my mother was about 3 years old. My grandmother has told me stories about her faking seizures to get attention and to keep her father from going to work. As she got older she would fake seizures and illnesses to get out of chores or other duties or to keep from going to school. My grandfather was always sympathetic to her and treated her like a princess even though she was 3rd out of 8 children. My grandma seemed to have her figured out that she was faking but never said much. Throughout her childhood she was always the "sick one", however, their family lived in a rural area and didn't have a lot of money so they had to delay medical treatment. She met and married my dad at the age of 19 and she began to immediately manipulate him. He was constantly missing work to take her to doctor's appointments and hospitals as far as 2 hours away. They never found anything wrong with her. Then the pregnancies started. She had 1 misscarriage after another due to taking such strong seizure medications because the seizures were never under control. After 8 years of marriage and 7 misscarriages a doctor suggested she stop the medication if she wanted to have a baby so badly. She did and became pregnant with me. "Miraculously" the seizures stopped during her childbearing years. After 5 children and a hysterectomy the seizures ferociously appeared coupled with panic attacks. She would fall down and go into convulsions everywhere and I mean everywhere! It was an embarrassment to leave the house. They finally diagnosed her with pseudoseizures. She was livid, screaming, "I have had these seizures all of my life". There have never been any brain wave pattern changes in any of the tests she has had. She has been in psych wards on more than one occassion. She has tried to publicly commit suicide on more than on occassion. Always being stopped "just in the nick of time" before she was to swallow a handful of pills of cut her wrists. She has been to "every" emergency room for hundreds of miles around for every symptom from gas to major chest pains. She has a medi-port which she has had for years and refuses to have removed. She has a pace maker which she does not and has never needed (my grandfather got one, she had to have one too). She has colonoscopies, scopes, and scans every few months on bowels, bladder, and kidneys and when a doctor refuses to do any more, she finds another one because that doctor is "obviously a quack". Our relationship is always on the rocks because I confront her about her "illnesses". She has told neighbors and friends she has everything from lupus to crohn's disease and everything in between. With me having to explain to them that she doesn't. Currently she is on the heart cath kick. My dad has true heart problems and has had 1 stint put in. They want to do another heart cath to put in another stint, but he can't get to because mom keeps having them instead. She has had five heart caths (not to mention all of the other tests)over the last several years and not one of them has shown any evidence of heart problems. She will even tell him that she is going to have another heart cath before he does so he might as well get over it. There is always something wrong with her bowels, bladder, kidneys, pancreas, liver, heart, lungs, etc. You name it and she has it. Recently my mother-in-law had a gallbladder attack which they thought might be pancreatitis. I made the mistake of telling mom about it. She ended up in intesive care with such bad swelling in her abdomen and pain she was sure it was pancreatitis. After all of her tests revealed there was no problem, she returned home without any symptoms to speak of. We have come to the point that we don't tell her that anyone is sick because she developes the illness. Everytime someone has a cold, hers is worse. She even had pregnancy sickness when I was pregnant and was worse off than me. She is a compulsive liar and will lie to anyone about anything. One time, years ago, Dad and I sat outside a psychiatrists door and listened to the foolish boldface lies she told about her household chore load and being the only caregiver and lie after lie. The doctor of course believed her and when we told them otherwise she weaseled her way out of it. She constantly pits family members against family members so she can spread the rumors of what someone said about someone else. I have never been nor will I every be good enough for her. I have taken her to countless doctors appts and missed many days of school and work for her and her appts, but I could never do enough. So now that I have children of my own I back off and let her wallow in her own self pity. I have resigned myself to never have a normal "mother-daughter relationship" with her. My dad works so my mom can have health insurance and be able to pay doctor bills. In one year she had $400,000 in medical bills. He knows she has a mental illness and he gets angry but he is easy going and lets her get by. I guess you could say he "enables" her. Those vowels he took are very sacred to him. He does all of the housework, cooking, cleaning, shopping, bill paying, and laundry, all while working 60+ hours a week. To make matters worse, I have a handicapped sister who has true epileptic seizures and cannot walk. My mom definitely does not have the by proxy type because she never wants my sister to see a doctor. She refuses to go with us when we take my sister to the doctor and she will always say to make sure we tell the doctor she is sick and couldn't come.
It is sad and bothers me so much that my mother has thrown her whole life away wanting and needing to be sick. She has sacrificed her marital relationship as well as the relationships
Sorry I have written so much. But it helps to vent. Especially to people who know that I am not crazy or making this stuff up. It also helps to hear that I am not alone.
Any comments would be appreciated.
Thanks for listening.
Liz |
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