| Subject: |
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BroketheCycle |
| Name: |
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Marcia Duning |
| Date Posted: |
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Jun 22, 06 - 3:09 PM |
| IP Address: |
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24.166.220.70 |
| Email: |
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mduning@woh.rr.com |
| Message: |
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BroketheCycle has done just that! What an inspiration she is!! To stand up for yourself under
circumstances like that takes more courage that it does to climb the highest mountain.. . .and she d i d it!! Her story is just the kind that family members who are being mistreated by "loved ones" need to hear. It was great of her to tell the story via the Angels That Care forum. The more people that read it the better!!
As for advice, BroketheCycle appears to know that concentrating on the future, rather than the past, is the healthiest way to go for everyone concerned. Those of us who grew up hearing our parents say terrible things about each other over and over know it leads to low self-esteem and other problems. Doubt fills the child, who can't help wonder if he or she inherited terrible traits. "Will I be just like my father?" the child wonders. . .and wonders. . .and wonders. {Or mother, as the case might be } "Why didn't he love me?" turns into "What is wrong with me?" and "Did he do those bad things because I am bad?" Doesn't matter that the child's questions are irrational. Children are self-centered -- have to be to survive. They are not little adults, and they don't think or feel like adults. Even abused spouses feel guilt at times. Children do not have the defenses they do.
Abusive spouses and parents act like scum, no denying that. But it is important to avoid repeated name-calling. It encourages holding onto rage, and benefits no one. Going back over what happened is necessary to healing. Going over what happened again and again re-opens wounds, or even causes new ones. Can cause festering emotional sores! A kind of psychological infection sets in. Mental and physical illness can result. If, on the other hand, one resolves to move forward with the attitude that What happened, happened -- that was then, this is Now --, the wounds heal and scar over. Yes, the scars are there. A n d they are getting fainter. . .b e c a u s e the person who was injured is concentrating on moving a h e a d. Instead of agonizing, he or she is busy building a meaningful life. Hopefully having
resolved never to be cruel to anyone, ever.
Breaking the Cycle is cause for celebration. Shows there is hope, and that being beaten and threatened, though they cause fear, does not, and cannot, destroy the human spirit.
Congratulations, BroketheCycle. . .and t h a n k y o u. |
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