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Re: You have no idea, even though I am a member. |
| Name: |
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Ann Free Spirit |
| Date Posted: |
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Feb 9, 08 - 1:50 PM |
| IP Address: |
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222.153.168.64 |
| Email: |
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annfreespirit@xtra.co.nz |
| Instant Messenger: |
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| Message: |
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I am known as Ann Free Spirit and I lived 24years of my childhood of abuse and sexual abuse. I kept every thing inside of me for fear of being told I was tell lies and also I could not believe that any one could have lived through what I went through.
I started to write my story in 1990s when I lost my son and I find writting poems had help me also. There are times that I want to give up and then I think. No I was not the one who abused innocent children, I was the child who was being abused every day and night and if I do kill myself I have lost my life while they are enjoying theirs.
So I write or I go out for walks and smell the air to and see if I can tell what people are having for dinner.
Here is my website about my story
http://annfreespirit4me.bravehost.com/index.html
and now I have some friends who are putting my story in a book form and I have police helping me now as this policeman I told about the abuse in 1980s and he told me that he believes me.
At long last we have a voice and I used me every time I can and it has helped me so much. Please when you get down keep telling your story and I think that here would be such a great pleace to start as we all have been abused in some form or other.
Please do take care.
Ann = Ann Free Spirit
HOW I FEEL TODAY
Ann Free Spirit
I see most here do not know the meaning of what real fear is like, when you know there is no one who can help you or stand by you. And you know you can never get out of what is being done to you body and soul and the only way out of the torment and fear is to kill yourself so it all ends.
It is like a dark hole in which you feel trapped and the more you try to climb out the more you are pushed down, way down below so you see no light and you try all ways of getting away from the dark but it is there, so you know the only way out of this is to die and you do not think of how, where or when, because it just comes on you and you do the first thing which you think of and you think now I will be safe.
It is trying to get yourself safe and free from the pain and the on going abuse and sexual abuse happening to you and you scream out for help and no one comes so you try to get some one to notice you, some one to hear you and you know that they do hear, but you seem to be not there with them.
You are in a hollow tube, you hear your voice and you see them around you but it is the never ending loneliness that you are here alone, so you must try to get out of this abuse the best way you can. You see them, you hear them, but they are not there. The only ones around you are those who are abusing you, so you know you will never be safe, you will never see a smile or a helping hand, for you are alone and you are there footstool for them to do as they please with you.
So the only other thing for you to do is to do as they want you to do and not think of anything, you let your mind go blank and try to be some where else. When I tried to kill myself at 12 years of age and again at 19years old, all I thought of was to be safe so no one could get near me, to harm me again. I wanted for some one to hear me and to take my hand, to help me.
Ann
Copyright@ 2006 Ann Thompson
All Rights Reserved |
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