August 23rd 2005 my husband and i gave birth to our beautiful stillborn boys of 20 weeks. Christopher Ramsey and Sam Thomas.
The babies were diagnoised with TTTS at 18.4 weeks and they were gone at 20. i don't understand why it happened and how come it happened so quickly. i was monitered closely because of the size i was getting one week the babies were fine and the next...there was so much fluid around Christopher he looked so big on the screen compared to Sam. Christophers heart was beating so fast and Sam wasn't getting enough blood and his sack was nearly empty.
i was to see a specialist the following week to discuss what options there might be...the only option we ended up talking about was when i would like to deliver my babies as they had died. i was so made who in what right mind would allow any one to go through labour knowing the out come. i naturally went in to labour 4 days later and i am glad that i did deliver my boys. i got to see them feel them hold them kiss them. they were so beautiful. every time i close my eyes i can see their little faces. 6 weeks on i'm still bleeding which i want so desperately to stop. We are so lucky to have our son Darcy who is 14 months. i have to get out of bed for him. at times i look at him and realise how lucky we are to have a healthy little boy and other times when i see him and how big he is getting i crave for my babies i want them so much. As talk of Christmas is approaching i hate it as before it was discussion including the babies and now...i am part of a mums group which as time has gone on it is becoming a lot easier as there was a period where no one new what to say to me it was realy uncomfortable...now most are pregnant again and one has just had a liitle boy, it is so hard to be happy for them when i am dying inside. thankyou for allowing me to use this space to tell my story i just don;t know when this pain will end!
I am so sorry. TTTS is NOT FAIR! We were told at 20 weeks to abort our babies and to try again because we are young. I cried for DAYS! Our boys did survive but I thank the Lord everyday and my genuinely breaks when I read stories of a lost twin, or worse, both.
(((Hugs))) I am so sorry. If you go to the foundations site for TTTS there is a whole section on the loss of both twins and moms and dads there can help you.