If you haven't tried it already...you could try counselling in addition to the nerve pills (antidepressants?) which help relieve some of the physical symptoms...whereas counselling will help you figure out what is beneath the physical symptoms, and what your part is.

I know counsellors can be expensive; where I'm from, some counsellors are covered under public mental health so the client doesn't have to pay...and are still a great help.

Counselling and a good doctor (who can up/change medications as needed...where I'm from, a family medical doctor, covered under public health so that the client doesn't have to pay, can prescribe antidepressants...so it is not always necessary to see a psychiatrist for medication help) are really helping me right now.

Initially, I don't want these supports, and am critical/don't think that they will help, but once I go and stick it out, they really help.

My situation was different from yours, but I know and have experienced the depression feelings that you have right now and I am so sorry you have to go through this incredible pain.

I am not a counsellor, so I can only offer to you what is helping me now.

I pray for God to put people in your life right now to encourage you and build you up to give you and direct you to a strong support base...and I pray that God would give you physical and then emotional strength and courage (divinely, through medications, etc.)to do what you need to do.