I know how you feel; I have felt this way too. My depression seemed to start out 'mildly/moderately' at the end of high school and then gradually became quite severe due to stressors during university, marriage, and as I entered the workforce.
With the influence of this depression, my life has not turned out very much like I thought it would...like I dreamed it would. This is so hard. However, some dreams I had did come true, but just not exactly how I thought they would come true.
I am just starting to live a 'new kind of normal' that includes dealing with/accepting this depression for the 'long haul' (for the rest of my life, unless I am miraculously healed by God), which includes dealing with everything that comes with it (monthly trips to the pharmacy and regular trips to check in with a counselor, seeking/being open to new opportunities, etc.) and I am so thankful that I am living now and having to deal with this rather than 50 or so years ago...
God, I pray that you would meet Amber where she is at right now. Help her as she works through all the emotions that go with her diagnosis: maybe anger, depression, denial, and/or all the other feelings that go along with such a diagnosis. You felt 'disappointment' and grief, when crying before you died why the Father had forsaken you...yet you declared "not my will, but Thine be done". God, I pray right now that you would flood Amber's heart with an assurance of living in Your will for her life. God, I don't know why you are allowing your precious daughter to experience her diagnosis, but I do know that you love her, and that her pain grieves you. Jesus, I pray that you would intercede to the Father on behalf of Amber. I thank you that because you allowed this to happen to Amber, you trusted that she be strong enough to bear this, even though she may not feel like it, for whatever time you have appointed.
God, I pray that you not waste this pain but, in your timing, use it for your glory. Show Amber every day how you want her to live, moment by moment at times if need be, with this diagnosis.
Oh how I too understand. I am been fighting depression for a long time as well. I believe our monthly hormones have to deal with our depression.(monthly cycle)
I just want you to know you are just where you need to be to grow more spiritually. It takes the feeling of being let down to address God head on how you feel. He wants you to come to Him address your problem with how you feel about where you are in this illness. I did this in my early twenties when I had a major time low in my life, very suicidal. I told him just how I felt. It felt good to talk Him. He and I drew closer in that time. It was not loud and clear but a still small voice and I praise God for that time. Don't give up on praise music, reading your bible and going to church. This is what God uses to reach out to us.
We have to believe His word and His word says in Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."
Well all means all. It means that all our depression is some how going to be working things out for the good. In times of despair we don't understand. But please know you are on the right path of not always being in despair. Your medicine will help and hopefully you start walking a bit through the week. Also eat good foods and you will be having brighter days.
Just like I shared with another sister up above, God can use depression. There were people in the Bible that were depressed. He used them and He was among them. He is among you. The enemy loves to lie to us in the midst of despair, and we need to stop listening to the lies.
I hope you will come back and we all can have a little support group here. We need each other. May God strength you today.
