Hello,

I have been struggling with depression for a while now - I'm a senior in college and I first got diagnosed in the winter of my sophomore year, but I think I'd been depressed for almost a year before that. I gave my life to Christ at the very beginning of college - I grew up in church but didn't really understand the gospel and its implications for my life until I got to school. Anyway, only a few months after becoming a Christian, I plunged into despair. I didn't understand why as a Christian I felt so hopeless and sad. Worse, I felt guilty about it. I didn't want to admit to anyone how I was feeling for fear of what others would think. I thought it was my fault that I was depressed. After almost a year of being depressed (on and off, there were times when I was feeling normal) I couldn't take it anymore and I went to a psychiatrist (she's not a Christian). She diagnosed me and I went on Zoloft. After only a couple of weeks on Zoloft, I felt normal again. It was amazing! I enjoyed life again - something I hadn't done in a long time. I could relate to other people again - for a long time I'd felt sort of disconnected from the world around me, even from my friends. So it was amazing to know that I could enjoy life again.

But, as I started feeling better, the guilt returned. I felt so guilty about having to depend on medication to face life. I wanted God to be enough - I wanted Him to get me through it and to be my all and all - I felt like I was slapping Him in the face and not trusting Him by taking the medication. But at the same time, it was such a relief to not be depressed, so I kept taking it despite the guilt. I stayed on Zoloft until May 2007, when I decided to go off of it with my psychiatrist's consent. I'd been feeling fine for a long time and desperately wanted to live my life free of medication.

I was doing fine until a couple of weeks ago, when I started feeling down again. I'm praying that this is just a short phase, not a relapse of the depression. I don't want to go on the medication again but I can't handle my life and my responsiblities with the way I've been feeling! It's so hard because I'm actually in a leadership role in the campus ministry I'm involved in and I feel like I can't be honest about my struggles with depression because people will see me as unfaithful to God if I turn to medication. I really want to go back on medication because I can't handle life the way I am right now - I can't handle my schoolwork (am writing a thesis), leadership stuff, job search, friends and family and oftentimes fanaticize about just escaping it all somehow (not suicide but running away from responsiblility and people). Anyway I really want to be seeking God in this and of course I have been asking Him to heal me but the way I feel right now I can't focus well and don't even think I'm seeing Christ clearly. I'm so focused on my own despair and the unquietness in my soul that it's hard for me to really listen for God's voice in this. I just don't know what to do.

Do any of you know how to find a good Christian counselor or maybe a psychiatrist who is a Christian? Is there some sort of list somewhere?

Thanks so much for reading this, and for sharing your stories. My burden feels lighter knowing there are others out there who understand.

I found a Christian counselor from listening to announcements on a local Christian radio station. Also, there was an excellent counselor at the College I attended and latter I found out she's a Christian. You can also look in the phone book and call and ask to talk and ask if they are a Christian and about their beliefs.

It's hard not to feel bad about taking antidepressants, but this is a difficult world we live in. I feel grateful that there is something that can help. Don't let yourself get too down, before you ask for help. You are making a lot of transitions in your life and that can be very hard. I like to think that God allows us to get low, so that we will get closer to Him and others. Sometimes when I feel so low, I just don't want to ever be around people again and that isn't what God would want.

I pray that God would help you find relief from this depression so that you are able to do your best for Him.

I agree with Mar.

Please don't get really down before you get help.

I know the feelings of guilt...I was working at a Christian school during my last bout with depression.

Christian counsellors and doctors (and yes..medications) really do help...they've helped me a lot.

I pray for you for courage and wisdom from God as you deal with this difficult place in your life right now,

Laurie

Hi there,

Thanks so much for taking the time to share your testimony.

I am a little late on this message, I have been bedridden with a fracture foot and sprain ankle.

If you have not found a Christian counselor, the first person I would ask to find one would be your pastor.

I would like to also inform you to look for someone who is counseling the Bible. There are a lot of Christian counselors who call them selves Christian counseling but using the world's philosophy. Christian counseling needs to be Biblical.

I am reading an excellent book called Wise Counsel. (I don't agree with all the of the book, but the majority of it is good.) There is a lot of good biblical instruction in this book and points out a lot of Christians are being deceived in Christian counseling. I was one who was deceived 14 years ago. It was my 1st time in counseling and I was suicidal. My husband was the one who realized this was not a good counseling after I had been seeing him for a year.


If your Pastor has no referrals, ask him if he know someone who would know. I would also listen for advertising on Christian Radios. If you live by a Christian University or College ask the Dean of Physcology Department.

Mdpride, I want you to stop feeling so guilty over needing medicine to help you physically. Christians who have high cholesterol needs medicine to lower there levels, these people do not feel guilty about taking the medicine temporally for it. If we need medicine to help us think clearer and to get functioning again, then we should not feel guilty. Why did God have man fine the plants to make the medicine? Or why did God create the plant for the medicine for depression?
I too felt the same way you felt. I have been on and off medicine many times in 14 years because of the mind battles of taking the medicine. I came to realize this was the Devil not God making me feel guilty. I also think us Christian would be more vocal about our Medical problem with Depression, others would speak out too and then many people in the Body of Christ would be ministering to each other in the needs of Depression. The devil has kept us silent for too long, we have suffered alone too long.

This are some of my thoughts. I hope I did not step out of bound here. I just want to encourage you to keep keeping on with Jesus. I am so happy for your new spiritual birth!!

I am sorry about your depression problems that came after the birth. I don't know where you are in talking with your primary care doctor about this. But this sounds to me you are being oppressed from the Devil which can cause depression. Is it wrong to take medicine for this? Well I don't know of any scriptures referring us to not take medicine. Actually Apostle Paul gave Timothy a remedy for health problems, so if that is in the Bible, I believe we can take medicine for temporarily problems. Now there are some of us out here dealing depression, that needs to be on medicine for long term and majority of us here on this board believe that is where God has us to be.

I hope I didn't write to much. I love to share aspect of this topic. I am learning so much on this medical problem.
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I pray you find a good Biblical counselor.

God Bless,
Sarita

Thank you all so much for your responses. It truly is wonderful to hear from you all on this. I'm still feeling pretty down. Today was especially hard. I'm trying to get help and am waiting on an appointment with a counselor right now. What's been really hard about this is when I get depressed it's so hard for me talk to people - all I feel like doing is hiding away, but at the same time I really long to be able to be honest with my friends about what's going on. It's very lonely to conceal my depression from them and to have to bear this problem in secret. Several times when I've been around people lately I've come close to breaking down but I never have the nerve to admit that anything's wrong. Sharing on this board makes all this a little less burdensome, so thank you all for reading and posting. Please pray for me that I'll find a friend who I can really confide in because I know that's what Christian friendships are supposed to be like but it just seems so impossible right now.

I just started seeing a couselor the past 2 weeks. I cried most of the time during our first session. I feel better this week after getting on medication, writing and talking. One of the best couselors I had was on the college campus that I attended. I pray that God directs you to a good couselor and perhaps you've seen one by the time you read this post.