Laurie,

Thankyou for the reply. It is definitely not a raise. I have to use the money to pay my health insurance and it is way less coverage, since he is giving me half the amount of money that he was paying for the insurance.

I need to find another job. But I just don't have the energy or the desire. I made an appointment to see a counselor, but I can't get in till the 19th. I know my boss did this to help the business because it is not doing well. I just feel so angry, because for the last 3 years, my boss would tell me he was paying my health insurance and that was all he could afford and that was my raise and now when I'm close to 50 he quits paying my insurance. I know this is a rough world and I need to trust God to be my provider, but I'm just so hurt and angry that I just want to sleep all the time that I'm home so I don't think about it. I don't think I could go on an interview for a job now because I am just so tearful.

Hi Mar,

Good for you for making a counselling appointment...I'm so proud of you! Depression wants to stop us from taking action and wallow/sleep, etc., but when you made the appointment, you took action to get better, and that is such a wonderful step.

I encourage you to take more "active" steps, as you are able, until you can get into the counsellor...and after (such as making a nice supper for yourself, treating yourself to coffee or tea with a friend, etc.)...and I pray that you do not go down and down into the spiral of depression...but rather, with God's help, move up and up from it.

It is too bad that you can't get in to the counsellor for a few more days; since this is a difficult life adjustment, I'd encourage you to see the counsellor regularly for a while if you are able; if you make your appointments in advance (i.e. an appointment for after the 19th at your appointment on the 19th) then it is easier to get an appointment at a set time every week. Counselling is so helpful for me in dealing with depression.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Life isn't fair. The ideal in the work world is to work at a job that takes care of you with good benefits and pay, and then to retire with a plan from this job. However, I wonder how often this actually happens?

Don't give up, Mar. Your depression will be healed completely one day, either through medical attention, divine intervention, or in heaven.

With depression we are not without hope because although "outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. Therefore, fix your eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." And, "Hope does not disappoint."(verse from the Bible...don't have the reference on hand)

Please keep us posted,

Laurie

Dear Laurie, Thanks for the suggestions. I went to see the counselor Monday and I have another appointment the next Monday. I called and asked them if they couldn't get me in sooner than the 19th and they did.

Hi Mar,

I am so sorry to hear about your predicament. The business world and the government is not making health insurance easy. I don't understand why these doctors have to charge so much as well. They have more money than they ever need. I am thankful that I know a couple of Christian doctors and they really help the needy when they are in need.

I too want to Congratulate you on making the appointment!!! Good for you!! This will help you although I do realize you need insurance to cover this medical need.

Getting moving is hard, when things keep going sour at each turn. Although when we fix our eyes on Jesus who is our hope and life then each step of moving gets lighter and easier.

I would like to challenge you to spend 5 or 10 minutes with Jesus reading God's word and praying. I would start in book of Psalms or one of the Gospels.

Doing this will be one baby step of getting moving. Jesus is our source of energy, hope and joy.

I have been dealing with depression for over 20 years. I realize it is a physical problem, although the devil likes to use it to his advantage in keeping us from the Source of Life. Jesus is our Life. If we want to keep going, we need to met with Him daily. I am on medicine for depression, but I also know it is my relationship with Jesus that keeps me going.

So lets all start today in taking one baby step and meet with Jesus daily.

I really care about you Mar, even though I am only a name on a computer. I empathize very much with those who struggle with depression.

Take care
Sarita

Dear Sarita,
Thanks for the reply and kind words. The couselor I saw Monday has directed me to a free clinic and made me promise to see a doctor. I'm thinking, "Maybe I don't need to go, I've been able to get through this before." Although, I must admit, I'd just as soon, skip work and just take some sleeping pills and forget about everything. I'm just so tired. I made myself go for a bike ride yesterday and I had a hard time holding back the tears talking to a friend. It should of been fun. I can't look for a new job, when I feel like I'm going to cry at any moment, especially if they state, "Tell me about yourself."

Hi Mar,

Great to hear about your progress!

I forget that the cost of medical visits can be quite high; where I live, most medical visits are 'free' (the government pays), although many people must have prescriptions, not covered by the government, covered by health insurance...again, I am so sorry you have to be going through all this right now, as proper medical care is so important in caring for oneself with depression.

Great to hear that you are going to the free clinic! Also, your counsellor sounds very good...making you promise to go to the doctor...and don't worry about crying...I remember crying so much during regular visits to see my counsellors, especially at the very beginning of a bout with depression.

Thanks for the update; look forward to hearing more in the future about how you are doing,

Laurie