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Christian's With Depression Message Board

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Christian's With Depression Message Board
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depression...

Hi.
It is such a blessing to find a site like this. I have looked before, but have never been able to find anything like this. I've been reading a lot of your posts--and it's like I'm reading my own thoughts and feelings. I have never met a Christian with depression before, and I thought (probably like many of you have in the past) that it was just a problem with my faith. I have always been "emotional" and prone to depression, but for about year, it has gotten SO BAD. I am married and have 4 kids. My husband is not a believer (I became a Christian after we got married).
It just seems like my faith is getting worse and worse. It's not as easy to believe God's word as it used to be. I mean, I believe it's true--but I find it harder and harder to believe it's true FOR ME. I always feel like God is displeased with me. He has MANY reasons to be! I am always so tired from depression that I hardly ever clean the house. I started homeschooling 2 of my kids last year, but when the depression got REALLY bad, I started staying in bed, and they are now behind in school. I cry ALL the time. Most of the time I just lock myself in my room. I don't want my husband and kids to see me like this! I don't want them to think that being a Christian makes a person like this!! I want them to know that Christ is wonderful! But that's not the impression they are getting. I have also stopped tucking my kids in and praying with them at night. I feel like I hardly have a relationship with the Lord anymore, and barely pray anymore (besides saying "please help me, Lord; please change me", etc.)--so how can I be a hypocrite and pretend like I do in front of them? People at church don't know what to do with me (only a couple people know--though they don't understand)! I talked to my pastor, and even emailed him about how I feel, and even told him I often think about suicide--and he didn't email me back (he told me the next day that he was too busy). And he hasn't tried to talk with me yet about it (that was about 4 months ago)! We don't go to a huge church or anything. He could talk to me if he wanted to. I guess he just thinks the same thing others there think. I have heard SO many people at church saying (not knowing that I'm like this--since I "suffer silently") people like me are selfish, and self-absorbed. And that makes me feel SO much worse!! Because I know that if they knew that I'm like this, they would think that about me. I feel SO alone! I keep trying to "snap out of it".
I am SO worried about how this is affecting my family! I don't know what to do except pray--but it seems like God isn't listening! If only I could believe He is!!! I just want to be close to Him. I REALLY want to walk with Him, but how can I when I'm like this?

Sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading.
~amber

Re: depression...

Hi Amber,

I understand a lot of what you've said. I'm ruled and dominated by my emotions. What God says in the Bible gets twisted and obscured in my mind by my emotions. I could point out scripture verses to you which say that God does accept you and me, as Christians, in Jesus Christ. But I'd feel like a hypocrite, since I have such a hard time believing those verses myself. The Bible says that I am accepted by God in Christ. My emotions feel like I have been cast away by God. The right thing to do is to believe what God says in His Word. But more often then not, I commit the sin of believing my emotions instead. I don't have any children, but I do worry for the salvation of my two nieces. I have no idea how to go about telling them about the Lord Jesus Christ as their Saviour; since my sister would never allow me to. I have no solution to that problem. And I know what you mean about not wanting people to know that you are depressed and a Christian at the same time. People look at that as a contradiction in terms. I also worry about the testamonial that this gives. "Become a Christian, and be miserable like me" seems like the message that I'm giving off to people.

And I often feel like other Christians think less of me, because of my depression. But the bottom line to that problem is that we don't have to be justified in the sight of other people. To get to heaven, we only have to be justified in the sight of God. Romans 5:1,2 says that you and I are justified by faith in Jesus Christ as our Saviour, and we have peace with God through Him. Romans 8 asks the question "who is it who condemns, when it is God who justifies?" So let other people who don't understand depression think whatever they want; you are not accountable to them. I know that other peoples' opinions can hurt. They hurt me too. But the bottom line is that God has justified me through His Son, Jesus Christ; so let other people think what they will about me. It doesn't matter what they think. I hope this helps some.

Tom