Dear Amber;
I am praying that God will give you peace in this trial. I understand how difficult it is when we don't "feel" His presence. But feelings are deceptive. We have to hold on to what we know is true. God's promises are true, even if we don't feel that they are for us. He understands what we go through. He made us. I have had depression all of my life. I know He can heal us if he chooses to. I know that I have to accept that He may not and that His grace is sufficient, but it is very difficult.
It helps me when I am going through a depression to remember that this is just a season. It will not go on forever. Are you taking any antidepressants. If you have chemical depression it can help tremendously.
I encourage you to talk to you dr. if you haven't already. I will be praying for you.
Psalm 34:18
"The lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit".
Love Liz

Thank you both (Laura & Liz) so much for responding. I know I should not trust my feelings. This is just so hard. Each "episode" of depression is worse than the last. No, I am not on any medication. I don't have a regular doctor. I am trying to find a psychiatrist or whatever. I want the person to be a [true] Christian. If I can't find a Christian doctor, there's no point in going, because there is nothing that I'd be able to say that doesn't have something to do with God (the TRUE God). And if the person's not a believer, he/she will think I'm even crazier than I actually am!!! I found a place that I think I will try, after I get some insurance things straightened out (which seems like it's going to take "forever"). My husband is passive about everything and won't help me or encourage me.
Thank you again, both of you. I'm printing out both of your responses and looking at them throughout the day. Sorry if that seems weird!! But it's like I have friends here with me.
I thank God for you!
Love, Amber

Amber,
I hope you find a Christian physician but most Dr's realize that clinical depression is a real chemical imbalance. They don't think you're crazy. Matter of fact, many Dr's today are on anti depressants themselves. Years ago it was misunderstood but not so today.
If for some reason you can't find a Christian MD than don't think you can't go to an unsaved Dr. God uses all circumstances and all situations to accomplish His will.
My Dr isn't saved but she has blessed my life with her knowledge and compassion. I am even looking for opportunities to witness to her but that hasn't come yet.
I don't know what I would have done without the medication. You will feel a lot better too once you find the right combination that works well with your mind and body.
Keep us posted dear
laura

Yeah, I guess you're right about the doctor thing. I guess I just wanted someone who would be able to encourage me IN THE LORD, since I don't have anyone else to talk to right now. But now I have you guys (I mean girls!). Today my mom called and made it clear that she's not pleased with me and my depression. Now everyone is officially fed up with me. Just because I'm too tired to be like this all the time: . I know I keep talking about what others think...and I shouldn't worry about that--it's just that I've never been this lonely before! And I feel so far from God. He's the one I need. If I could just believe that HE is near me, I could handle everyone else abandoning me. Well, enough feeling sorry for myself....Sorry.
I'm just so desperately lonely.