Dear Marilyn:
You are not alone.I have had depression for many years. I have been a christian for ten years and have asked the Lord to heal me many times, and at this point He has chosen not to do so. He has shown me(and I pray that He will show you) that there are many others who suffer from it and that He can use you to minister and help those people. Only when you have been through it yourself, do you truly understand how others feel.
As far as your thoughts go, the Word says that we must take those thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ.
The Devil knows that if He keeps you thinking of yourself and not on God He has done his job. I too, have many destructive thoughts, but I know that our God is not a God who is condemning you. He understands what you are going through and is with you, even when you don't "feel" it.
One more thought, has your dr. suggested antidepressants. It was a miracle for me. There are many that are very good. You might want to ask about them.
I am praying for you. Remember you are not alone.
Love your sister in Christ
Liz

Thanks Liz for your reply. I have taken on board what you've said about taking our eyes off of our thoughts and putting them on the Lord, I think what really frightened me was instead of thinking of them as destructive thoughts I got frightened because it was about worshipping the devil, I believed God would never forgive me and because of the depression I really felt I wanted to. I since think it was because of the depression that these thoughts came and it was in the thoughts about the devil, it could well have been some other destructive thoughts occuring, thank you for replying to me and I hope we can keep in touch. My doctor did put me on fluoxetine and the dose has been increased to 3 a day. I would like to change them as I've been on them for a while, but thought it not wise yet because of how I am feeling
Thank you for praying for me and I will do the same
Love in Jesus
Marilyn