You know, I can relate to what you are going through. I have spent my whole life (35yrs.) struggling with fear, anger and severe depression. It hurts all over and can really screw up your life. There are good days and bad days for us. They are really intense and overwhelming, but remember what the Bible says....God did NOT give us a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind. I know that sounds good, but even when you don't feel like it or believe it 100% still "know" it in your heart and yell it to the enemy...outloud if you need to. He's the one lying to us with his fear, anxiety and sufferings. Remember, the enemy is Lying to you and me and all of us. His purpose is to kill, steal and destroy us. When you totally get that, you have won a battle over him....taken a chunk of his power over you. I'm struggling today myself. I feel like a total failure and I want to disappear into the background and fade out, but I have to remember that God started a work in me that He will finish. Start off tomorrow with a new understanding that God still wins....the enemy loses no matter what he tries to do to us. God is bigger and He loves us and holds us in His hand. No one, no angel no demon, no nothing can take us out of it. If you ever need to talk, feel free to email me. My mom suffered from anxiety and she got so bad she couldn't leave her house. She got on some meds and went back to church and is doing great now. I myself struggle with severe depression. I am on medication and I struggle with some days that feel like they will crush me, but I force myself to pray. The enemy hates it when we are so far down and we make ourselves pray and cry out to God even when we don't feel like it....that's a BIG key. Our Feelings lie to us to easily we have to hide God's word in our heart so that our feelings don't run away with us. It took me a long long time of telling myself, "it's not what I FEEL, but what I KNOW is truth". My feelings would be killing me, but I would make myself read and remember that what God says is really what is real, not my emotions. You have to surround yourself with praise and worship and good people and good things. It may seem extreme at first, but you are in a spiritual battle and the enemy is pulling out all the punches. Put on praise music while you sleep too....real quiet in the background. You will feel better slowly, but keep up with your doctor and meds. It's important. God may not be ready yet to have you off of them. I don't beleive we are less faithful if we take them. I think God uses them to help us. He has a plan for all situations. Can you imagine the awesome testimony your life struggle will be one day when you overcome by trusting God? You are a purpose and an outlet for Him to use for His glory to reach people like you. God bless you and I pray "Father God, help us your children through our dark times into your light. Lord forgive us for doubt and worry and sorrow. Please lift us up out of the pain into your glory. Amen" Take care!

Thanks for your advice. I know exactly what you mean when you say we have to force ourselves to pray and read the Bible because it is what we need even if it doesn't make us feel good immediately. I am trying to find a support group to go to for anxiety/depression. I want to be pro-active in this battle. I'm tired of letting Satan walk all over me. I know God saved me 15 yrs ago. I have to stand on that fact not the feelings I have when I am afraid. I heard a preacher say just this morning if he thought he could lose his salvation, he could never enjoy the journey. Keep in touch on this board or at bscott915@hotmail.com

ever hear the song "God is in control"? (I think Twila Paris does it) that song used to really bug me because it said "we will choose to remember & never be shaken" and of course like every other Christian who has lived with depression or any other ilness I have been shaken. We all are. I changed the words in that part of the song "even though we are shaken" Please don't worry so much about your salvation. The bible says no one can pluck us out of is hand. God know how you feel and he feels it to. I know what you are goin thru I have been in & out of the hospital for years with depression and believe me each time you leave that hsopital (no matter how much you may hate being there -I always do) you will be scared because outside those doors is the real world and you may feel all alone but know that you are not> God is right there holding your hand and we are right here praying for you.

Thanks for your reply.
The hospital is usually good for me, but I don't always like it. I have to realize I have an illness, not a weakness. Some songs and things I hear bother me too, I feel like saying, try walking in my shoes. Even though our faith wavers, deep in our hearts we do believe God's Word. Fear just cripples us, and depression distracts us for a while.

I know how you feel with the OCD and the obsessive, scary thoughts. I am 27 and I was in the hospital for 4 days in December of '05. I stopped eating and was extremely depressed and that is why my mom pretty much made me go in. I will be praying for you.

Remember, even when it seems dark and hopeless, God is there. The hardest thing to do is to not let your obsessions impact your beliefs.

God Bless You,