If you have ever asked Jesus to forgive you of your sins and admitted that you were a sinner and that Jesus paid your sin debt with His life you are a Christian & I am absolutly positive that you can not loose your salvation. Once you belong to Him he writes your name down & He his ink never fades & pages don't fall out.
I am glad you know you are not alone and that you realize you are addicted please don't blame yourself & call your self a bad mother or anything like that you are a good person. Believe that!I am worried that you may be taking yourself off of medication with no support from family or friends close by. I know you probably don't want to hear this but as a friend I have to say I think you should see a doctor (your regular Dr. or a Psych Dr.) before you go much futher. When you start taking yourself off of these pain pills you are going to go into withdrawal & that will affect you moods and may make you very depressed however it could affect your physical health as well I am not a Dr. & don't know alot about the medications you speak of other than that they are addictive. However I have been in the hospital with people coming off of the same medication and they were in the hospital. I know that is probably as scary thought (always is for me) but you need to take care of yourself to be able to take care of your family.When you start getting off of this medication no matter how you do it (with or without a Dr.) you are going to proably go thru depression but try and remember that you are going thru withdrawal & that the depression you are feeling is from the withdrawal. You may have depression with out the pain meds but you may not. If you do have depression you should see a Dr. and get on the right kind of medication for the depression. Please don't blame yourself those medications are addictive & you did not began taking them to become addicted to them. It is not going to be easy but know that we care. I will try & check this board everyday. Look in your newspaper for a support group if you don't have any near by support and even if you do it can be good to be understood by those who really understand. Cut yourself some slack talk to your kids & tell them you may be grouchy (or weepy or whatever) but that you love them & care for them even if you feel you may not be showing it very much. You are in my prayers and my thoughts & I will pray for your children to. Please just lean on Jesus. Salvation is forever & God knows what you are going thru & He is hurting with you. Please at least think about seeing a doctor. I am afraid it might be dangerous for you to try to get off this stuff alone. I care & I am here.