I don't think you're being needy, you're just sharing the reality of your life. It's really hard to find people who understand deep depression. It's hard to find people who understand what it's like to want to kill yourself.

God isn't telling you to kill yourself. Your out of balance brain chemistry is telling you that. I know what it feels like to have a heavy black wet blanket of depression over my head day after day. It's so bad that I look forward to heaven more than anything. I want so much to be free of this ever present darkness that dictates every day of my life.

I've wanted to kill myself SO many times. I always thought that if I did I'd be relieving my family of the burden I've become. But last January my brother killed himself and now I'm seeing it from the other side. It doesn't make things easier for your family, instead it makes their lives a living nightmare of grief. I still can't believe that my brother is gone. I cry everytime I think about it. The wondering of what he was thinking & feeling as he wrote his suicide note? Trying to imagine him slitting his throat and wondering if he regretted doing it as he was bleeding to death?

Please don't kill yourself. Call one of the suicide hotlines on the homepage of this site. I accidentally saw my brother's dead body lying on the grass where the paramedics tried to revive him while we waited for the coroner to arrive. Even though a sheet was covering his head & chest, that's an image that I can't get out of my head. My depression is worse than ever since this happened.

If you're wanting to use a gun, just think of the horrific images that will haunt the person or people who find your body afterward! I know it feels like your life is meaningless, but believe me, you will leave so many wounded people behind. My mom will never be the same again. Now I'm an only child. I could go on & on....

Depression is horrible at best, but suicide doesn't just kill you, it kills a little bit of everyone's heart who loves you. You'll be in my prayers.

Hi,and thank you for talking to me. It does hurt terribly bad to lose sombody you love. I tried to make sense of my first cousins death, her name was Sheila. I grew up with her, we played together as kids. We went thru ou teen years and all the mischief ann trying times. One night my sister knocked on the door in the year 2000, she said Sheila had died, accidentally from mixing painkillers with alcohol. She was the only person i could ever depend on to always be on my side and could share my thoughts with. I will miss her till my days end. Right after that my son hit and killed a man while coming home from work. Then my nephew my cousins only son shot and killed himself. While i was trying to deal with all this i got ill and lost my job and at that time my wifes ms was getting to the point where she couldn't walk or stand. I felt like somebody had beat me up mentally. I met a person finally online that i trusted but i became to needy and started to feel attracted to her. She is a christian. I said i was sorry and if she would still just talk with me i would be fine with just her friendship. She never talked with me again. She was a really good person and i ran her away. I can be so stupid. I just get so desparate for somone. I was feelin better when i was talking with her but now im getting worse. There are day's when i feel like im floating outside my body or i can feel like im back in the past at a good time and safe place. Its weird. Or i feel like ive got one foot in heaven but not all the way in. I see myself lying on a beautiful slopinng hill with beautiful skys above. Its a good feeling. My uncle killed hisself many years ago. He was a very very smart guy. He deciphered lanquages for the military. He was also a religious person of sorts but he drank alot and life got to him to much with its crap. Long ago when i was a kid on valentines day the custom was t sneak up to persons house, you would lay your valentine on the steps and throw a stone at the door and hide. The person would come out and act surprised and pick up their valentine. When i was 5yrs old i remember hearing a rock hit the door and mom acting suprised She opened the door and there was a valentine from my uncle and also french fries with a string tied around them. That was so funny to me. I feel better today. Thank you for taking time with me. I know im kinda mixed up these days and understand why noone would want to spend time with me. I hope you have sombody special that you can go to when you're fellin low. I know what its like to be alone with nothing but thoughts. I know there lots of people would not agree with me but i know your brothers in heaven. I almost succeeded in killing myself once, when you get to that point you are not in a rational state of mind, your mind is so sick that its not operating right nomore. God loves us much more than we love each other and takes into account all we've been thru since the day we were born. I can't understand most of this life but I know God has it all figured out. Thank you for your concern about me. michael

Hi, on this cool day. Thank you for emailing me. It is a little strange that your name or handle is April. That is the name of the woman i used to talk with. But she found out i was just worthless. She didn't think iwas even worth saying goodbye to. I miss her she was very special and a good caring person. To good for me to talk with i realize now. So you live in alabama, i live in Phenix city. Wish i didn't though. I have mentioned being depressed to family and a couple of other people but won't no more. Its almost like they think you have just told them you have leprosy or somthin. Most people just look at you as being weak. The saying is true that you have to be in somone elses shoes to really understand. I think and feel good some day's. But much has happened latly and not sure if i can make it thru it. I will give it the old determined push and see what gives. My life is really not that important though but trying to get over lifes next little box of bad jokes. Talk with ya later gator. michael

hi michael, my name is april and i'm married. thank you for responding to me. i know how you feel, taking it day by day. one day you feel ok but the next you don't even feel like getting out of bed and it is a struggle to do anything. if there is anything i can do for you to help let me know. do you have a cell phone cause you can call if you need an ear to listen.
april

Only God knows when you are going to die. And He doesn't tell us the time. He sets the day, and time. Killing yourself isn't what He wants. And you know that.

Michael,

How are things going? How is your wife. Is she sufferring from depression as well. Some people who have MS suffer with depression.

Keep coming back, lets us all support one another through this day by day illness.

God's Blessings