Romans 12:12 Base your happiness on your hope in Christ. When trials come endure them pateintly; steadfastly maintain the habit of prayer. (Phillips)

This is a constant turning to God. Not an easy thing. Paul suggests that we should pray without ceasing. Sometimes this is almost impossible, with work, family, school and what ever other important tasks and events take place in our daily lives.

I am on quite a bit of medicine. I would not be alive without God and medicine. I put God first, for he kept me alive before Prozac was invented, and I do believe that although the drug companies push their medicines on the public, and that they are way overused, meds are very critical for those of us whose brain have been altered by the disease of depression.

I have thought of suicide at least 5000 times. At times it was even comforting to think I'd have relief from the pain. At other times things were so dark, I could not move, and I could easily just lay there and decompose. Had it not been for my dog, who needed tending and my Christian roommate, I most certainly would have had to be hospitalized.

I have dealt with depression for 28 years, since I was 15. My first major episode was at 16.

God is the reason that I am still alive. My uncle committed suicide in 1993 and a friend in 1994. After each of those deaths I said to myself "there had to be a different way to deal with what was ever going on with them to make them do it."

Since then, when I have been on the brink (plans), I stay alive for them.
For those who love me (very few I believe, but there has always been at least one person in my life that would be hurt immeasuralby. There is also my brother who suffers from Scizhophrenia (2 serious suicide attempts) who would probably follow me to the next world; so thankfully suicide is not an option, no matter that at times I really really wanted to die.

Most of all the reason I did not ever make a suicidal attempt is God. He has given us life. A wonder it is to breathe, talk , think, act, love. You may have been given a bad start. Rotten things may have come your way. Tragadies may have been a catalyst. There may be no reason for your depression. But God is there. HE Cares. Say some prayers, keep praying. He is listening. Ask Him what He whats from you. Follow His Word. Not easy, but when you do it is pretty amazing.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burdne I give you is light.(Life Application Bible)

I have finally learned that working for God is alot easier than being pulled along by the devil.

"The effect of prayer is union with God, and if someone is with God, he is seperated from the enemy" (Gregory of Nyssa)

"God is a God of grace who not only saves you from eternal death, but also saves you from a defeated life. He saves you by putting His Life in you."
(Not sure - will locate source)

Psalm 90:12 Teach us to make the most of our time, so that we may grow in wisdom.

Matt. 28:20 Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the world. KJV

We all know there are lots more Bible verses to add. God wants us to live fully, with hope, strength, power and a sound mind.

Yes I am a Christian on Anti-Depression medicine. One day I'd like to be without the meds, but never do I want to be without Christ.

David C

David,
Thanks for your posting. Did you ever run into the source for that quote? I'll paste it in here:

"God is a God of grace who not only saves you from eternal death, but also saves you from a defeated life. He saves you by putting His Life in you."
(Not sure - will locate source)

God bless,
Chanin

David,
Thanks so much for sharing your heart with us.
I read your post several weeks ago, but in the midst of my very low period, I was blinded by your story. I did not read what I read today. It is amazing how depression can keep you from seeing the whole picture.

I cannot even begin to understand your pain, with having 2 close people commit suicide. I am glad you are turning it into a positive situation in finding a better way to live this life of depression. I can quote from a few old testament characters who wanted to die as well. So this is definitely nothing new under sun to God. He has had many followers and leaders wanting to come home to Him sooner than He would like. I too fall in that category. I would love to let go of this life of depression to be in glory land. Although, He has a different plan for me. I am so glad to have come across this message board. I hope we all can keep in touch and keep each other focused on the purpose of living even if we have to do it with sadness.

Yes I like the quote that you didn't have the author. Could you please give us the author, I want to use it.

God bless, may He continue to strengthen you each and every day.