Thanks for your kind reply to my message. I realized that my initial message was pretty sad and pathetic when I read over it again. I feel a bit more reasonable now. That's the problem with being depressed and Bipolar. My moods change rapidly. It's exhausting to have my emotions go up and down so much. At times, it's too much to fight against. The things that you wrote make sense, but it's hard to think logically when my emotions feel so wrecked. I guess I have to try harder to fight the temptation to just give in to my negative emotions. Thanks for the book suggestions, I'll definitely look into it. Thanks for the encouraging words about choosing to trust God despite the pain and tears. I'm having a tough time trusting God, because I'm a distrustful person. I've encountered so many mean people in my life, who have caused me so much pain, that I've grown distrustful and I tend to keep people at arms length. The mistake that I make is projecting the meaness of people onto God. I make the incorrect assumption that since people are mean, then God must be that way too. I can't get it through my thick skull that God is allowing me to suffer for a good, kind, beneficial reason. I remember the pain that people have caused me through out my life. I remember that their motives in causing me pain were pure malice and hatefulness. So I'm having a very tough time accepting the idea that God is different; and He is allowing me to suffer for very different motives. The idea that God is actually being kind and gracious to me by allowing pain to touch me is hard for me to digest. Thanks for praying for me, I'll do the same for you.
