Thanks for the helpful advice. It's only been a week since I started up the meds again. I think it's helping some so far. My emotions feel a little more controlable. I just can't bear to think about the future. It is too frightening.
I wish God would just evacuate me up to where He is. I want to go home to heaven. It would solve so many problems for me if God would just take me to be with Himself. In fact, it would solve all of my problems. I know it's selfish and lazy and mean, but I just can't endure all of the problems that I would have to face if God made me continue to live on earth.
People would think I was very crazy if I told anyone this, but I pray for the Lord to take me in my sleep on many nights. I ask Him to give me a silent heart attack in my sleep, and let me wake up with Him in heaven. I feel like such a selfish creep for wanting that, but I can't help it. It's what I want. Pretending otherwise wouldn't accomplish anything. Long enough ramble.
