i can't tell my parents...you don't understand, i could never tell them. i have already talked to my pastor, and he is the one of 4 people that know about this. i tried counseling with him, but after 2 sessions (1 hr each) he said he couldnt help me anymore. there is no one to talk to that i trust. ugh, i hate this.

Morgan,
No, I don't understand your situation. Please understand though, people who are not familiar with clinical depression do not know what it really is. They mean well but they associate it with regular depression that everyone gets when something bad happens. Clinical depression is totally different. Maybe that's why your Pastor couldn't help you anymore. I don't know.
Is there a counselor at school you could talk to?? Do you have a family Dr that you trust?? I don't know how old you are but if you have a Dr you can trust, it might not be a bad idea to make an app with him. You could also talk to the school nurse.
Morgan, I don't know anything about your life but I do know this, if this is clinical depression (chemical imbalance) you need to get medical help.
I will be praying that the Lord will make a way for you and direct your steps. He has you in the palm of His hand and He will not let you be overcome. No matter what, He will provide what you need.
In Christ,
laura

Morgan, I see alot of familiar things in your post ("sick and tired of going around with a fake smile" , "dont know why my family and my friends are so happy", and "crying at least 3 times a week") A lot of that sounds like I could have written it when I was in grade 12. I didn't really realize something was wrong, and that not everyone felt the way I did. I waited a long time to seek help thinking I could "fix" it on my own. I understand that you may have legitamate reasons to be weary of telling your parents but they might surprise you. My biggest piece of advice for you would be to talk to your doctor/ school nurse etc. I know thats a terribly scary thing to do I just pray that you don't make the same mistake I did and suffer through it for years because I was too scared to tell anyone. know that I am praying for you. I would love for you to let us know how you are doing.
Amy
PS this verse has helped me alot

i'm actually feeling a bit better. never did go to the doctor or tell my parents, but i have someone i talked to. they really helped me, and i have been doing really good for the past 2 weeks...no depression at all, i just hope it stays this way. i have had a lot of good things happen since my posting...i am going on a missions trip this summer with a bunch of people from a church, i am moving to a bigger, better house, i am done of school for the summer, and i am totally on fire for God right now thanks for praying guys, and i will keep you updated as to how i am feeling.