Dear Liz,
God bless your little heart. What a trooper you are for enduring this for 14 years.
Depression is a really hard thing to endure because it is always there and it never goes away. It has a tendency of making us weary after awhile. People with physical diseases are often encouraged because people are always reminded that, this person is suffering, but those of us who have depression, suffer in silence. It can make us feel very alone at times,just like you said. People who have never experienced clinical depression, just don't understand it so they don't know how to minister to us who do.
Changing medications is part of it. Try to be thankful that you have the medications at all. Spurgeon, Luther, David Brainard and countless others suffered without medication.
Continue to be strong dear one. God knows exactly what He is doing. He is using you as His instrument and He has chosen to allow you to suffer for His glory.
There is a great book called, Trusting God" by Jerry Bridges. It has helped me so much with my depression.
He makes you understand that suffering is all a part of God's eternal plan.
I have learning that my depression keeps me close to the Master and for that, I am thankful for the affliction He has given me. He has also taught me to praise Him no matter how bad I feel. He is worthy of our love no matter what. I now see my depression as a gift. That doesn't mean I don't have dark, dark days. It doesn't mean I don't have days where I feel like He is nowhere to be found. It doesn't mean I don't feel like I am going to lose my mind and just jump off a cliff to make it all go away. But when that does happen, I still praise Him with tears streaming down my cheeks, simply because He is worthy. It is a gift because it drives me to Him in prayer. Without this affliction, I would try to keep my independence and probably stray from Him but because of this disease, I don't dare wander. So you see, it is a gift that keeps me in the palm of His hand.
I guess I have talked long enough.
I will be praying for you.
In Christ
laura
Thank you Laura so much for your response. It is so comforting to talk to someone who truly understands because they've been through it, rather than someone trying to "fix" you. Thank you for praying for me. We need to intercede for one another. I will also keep you in prayer.I'm feeling a bit better today:)
God Bless you
Liz
