Hi Hope,
Most all of us have wondered the same thing. How can God allow something so difficult in our minds and is it our fault. Are we doing something wrong and the answer is no. Clinical depression with anxiety is caused from a chemical imbalance in our brain and we have no control over that. There is such a stigma on "depression". Unless one has experienced it in the clinical sense, they don't have the foggiest idea of what you are talking about. Most of the time they just expect you to "get over it". It doesn't quit work that way. We wouldn't say that to someone who had diabetis, or asma or any other kind of medical condition.
Mental illness is in a class all it's own. We have never excepted it with Christians although many famous Christians have suffered with it. Spugeon, Luther, David Brainard are just some to name a few who have suffered with clinical depression.
Don't feel guilty. Look to the Lord and He will see you through. They have lots of good medications out there that can help, so don't be afraid of them. They are there to help not harm.
Remember Hope, God has a plan in all this. Even though you don't FEEL like it, pray anyway. Even if it's a few words. God is worthy of our prayers no matter how dark the road or how bad we feel. He may seem far away but he is molding you and transforming you into His image. He has not forsaken you and He will get you through. Even if you read just a few verses of your bible, do that too. It is showing God that we love Him inspite of what He has allowed.
There is a great book called, "Trusting God" by Jerry Bridges and "Don't waste your sorrows" by Paul Bilheimer. These two books helped me a lot.
I will be praying for you Hope. You are not alone. God loves you and He is entrusting you with this affliction so that someday you will bring hope to others. Just like your name says.
Take care
love in Christ
laura
Dear Hope,
You are not alone. God has promised never to leave you or forsake you. We live in a fallen world and you have a chemical imbalance. It is not your fault. God made your body and mind and He knows exactly how you feel. Hold on to what you know is true, even if you can't feel Him. He is still there.
I have had depression all of my life. I understand how you feel. Remember this is a season. It will not go on forever. Has your Dr. suggested antidepressants?
This has been a lifesaver for me.
I am praying for God to sustain you and put other christians around you to lift you up. Stay in fellowship and try not to isolate.
God has a plan for you, sometimes He uses these situations so that you will be able to help others.
God Bless you and hold on.
Your sister Liz
