It would be perfectly okay with me if God took me home to heaven tonight. In fact, that's what I want Him to do. I ask Him to do that for me in my prayers all the time. I'm tired of having to wait. I'm tired of the afflictions of this life. Nothing is pleasurable here, it's all just drudgery on this earth. I'm tired of the notion that you must suffer on earth first, in order to gain rewards in heaven. I would be willing to go right now and sacrifice any rewards. I'd be happy just to be there in heaven. I'd be happy just to escape life on earth right now. I don't want the rewards, if it means that I have to stay and suffer another 30 or 40 years on earth. I'm also tired of hearing that I have to stay, and "hang on" for the sake of my family. "They would be sad if I died." That really annoys me. Every person in my family is financially much better off than I am. Their earthly lives are far more secure and comfortable than my life is. I don't tell them this, but I'm jealous of what they have; and I resent it that I have to stay in this life for their sake. When will it be my turn to enjoy life? When do I get my slice of the pie? Since there is obviously nothing for me down here, then when do I get to go home to heaven and live it up? How much longer will God make me wait?

Hi Tom,

I know you posted this message a few months ago but thought I'd respond anyway. Wow, your sentiments could've been written by me. I often pray God will let me go to sleep. It is pure drudgery sometimes on this earth. It can be such a painful experience much of the time. I don't know if you still feel the same way as you did in June but I felt compelled to answer anyway. Just wanted you to know you weren't alone in how you feel. As a Christian woman I struggle with terrible bouts of loneliness, sadness and disappointment. I don't think I've ever felt as lonely as I have lately. It seems I just don't fit in anywhere. I need people but it's agonizing to be around and socialize when you feel so down. The only thing that I can suggest for you is to hang on to God in spite of your feelings. Even though you're hurting and things don't make sense, hang on to Him. I continually cry out to Him and I pray that He'll help me not to be resentful or apathetic. I try to remind myself that life isn't easy...it's downright hard! And I pray for strength in my weakness. Sometimes I just force myself to do nice things for people and just continue with the daily activities of life. I still hope and pray things will get better internally. Some days are better than others. I know God doesn't intend for us to go through life as a band of mourners. I believe there is healing for serious depression and those of us who suffer have a hard battle within. But Jesus does promise to be with us and to encourage us to boldly enter His throne. There we can find grace to help us in times of trouble.
The way you feel is the way I feel, my friend. Take some comfort in knowing you are not alone and there are many just like you. Perhaps knowing we suffer together will provide some comfort. I DO hope you find the will to live life again. I'm praying that for myself. God hears us, I know He does. It hurts and probably will hurt a million times more but let's keep looking up. Jesus is coming soon and it really is worthwhile to think about that. Here's a verse that has encouraged me many times..."Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shsall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light unto me." Micah 7:8. God bless, Tom! I'll say a pray for you tonight.